


An Engineer and A Physicist Walk Into A Bar...

by heartsdesire456



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Fluff, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Pickup Lines, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Science, Sleepovers, Television Watching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2013-06-06
Packaged: 2017-12-14 02:55:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/831888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Tony and Bruce try to tell the best geeky joke, Tony uses bad pick-up lines, there is a science sleepover (including blanket forts and Bill Nye the Science Guy), Dummy is a klutz (again), and JARVIS gets tired of everybody's crap and takes matters into his own hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Engineer and A Physicist Walk Into A Bar...

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short, funny fic that me and Amber talked about.

“Two atoms are walking down the street.” Bruce glanced up at Tony’s voice and raised an eyebrow challengingly. Tony grinned, coming to lean over the couch beside his head. “One atom says to the other, ‘Hey! I think I lost an electron!’ The other says, ‘Are you sure?’ and he goes, ‘Yes, I'm positive!’” he finished, earning a groan from Clint and a confused expression from both Steve and Thor.

Bruce grinned and nodded. “That one was decent,” he allowed and Tony sighed.

“You’re killing me.” He flapped a hand. “C’mon, gimme yours.”

Bruce tossed popcorn into his mouth then hummed, nodding as he swallowed. “What did one uranium-238 nucleus say to the other?”

Tony grinned. “What?” he asked and Bruce smirked.

“Gotta split!”

Tony let out a laugh and nodded, hopping over the couch. “Okay, I admit, yours was better,” he said, stealing some popcorn. “I’ll beat you yet!” he cried dramatically, shaking his fists at the sky.

Bruce just rolled his eyes. “It’s not your fault you’re an engineer.” He nudged him. 

Tony scoffed. “Physicists think about shit. Engineers _do_ shit.”

“And this is why you have more lab accidents than me,” Bruce countered, earning an eye roll of epic proportions. 

“Oh Brucie, c’mon, you’re breaking my balls here, explosions are why science is fun!” he said and Clint snorted.

“I’ll do something to your balls, alright,” he muttered under his breath and Tony just leered.

“That a promise, Barton?” he asked, winking lecherously.

Steve flushed and stood up. “Okay, that’s my cue to leave!” He looked at Thor and tossed his head at the elevator. “Wanna go get something to eat?” he asked and Thor stood.

“Of course, my friend!” he boomed, nodding to the others as they walked out.

Clint eyed Bruce and Tony curiously. “If I stay, am I going to understand anything you two pick to watch?” he asked, looking at the movie that had just gone off.

Tony grinned. “We’re gonna watch Chemistry: A Volatile History,” he said eagerly.

Bruce nodded. “Tony likes the explosive reactions.” Tony and Clint both raised eyebrows at Bruce, who blushed. “Shut up,” he grumbled and Clint snickered.

“I can’t even decide which joke to make. Poking you with a stick to try and make you hulk out sounds like the more appropriate joke but…” He smirked at Stark. “The sex joke is just too obvious.”

Tony just wiggled his eyebrows. “Pretty sure everybody loves _those_ ‘explosive’ reactions.”

Bruce groaned and fell over against the arm of the couch. “You are _children_ -“

“No, you just don’t appreciate a decent orgasm joke,” Clint said, standing up. “Keep your weird nerd things, I’m going to go find Natasha.”

“Gonna have some ‘explosive reactions’ with her?” Tony asked, cackling when Clint glared at him on his way into the elevator. “Oh I love him.”

Bruce smiled, clearly amused. “You’ll love when Natasha hears you made a sex joke about her and _kills you_ ,” he said, then nodded at the TV. “Movie now, or I’m holding the popcorn hostage,” he said, pulling the bowl to his side with a playful glare.

“J, movie and lights?” he asked, then stretched, yawned, and let his arm fall around Bruce’s shoulders.

Bruce shot him a look. “Did you really just ‘stretch and yawn’ me?” he asked incredulously.

Tony grinned and tugged Bruce into his side. “Why, you feeling fourteen again?” he asked and Bruce rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, cause I was totally being hit on at fourteen.” He smirked. “Besides, is that what this is? A middle school date? Is your mom driving us home?” he asked and Tony grinned.

“Might be. I’ll ask if you can sleep over,” he said flatly and Bruce laughed lightly, passing the bowl of popcorn.

“You really are something else, Tony,” Bruce mumbled, though he didn’t bother shrugging off the arm Tony left around his shoulders.

~

Bruce was getting frustrated with his microscope and was just about to throw the slide in his hand when JARVIS warmed him that Tony had overridden the access and was on his way to the lab. “Damn it,” he grumbled, then looked up with tired eyes when Tony came through the doors with way too much pep in his step for Bruce’s sour mood. “What do you want, Stark?”

Tony gave him an offended look. “You know, your clothes would look better accelerating towards the floor at 9.8 m/s,” he teased, fluttering his eyelashes. He chuckled and smiled. “No but really, what’s up?” he asked, leaning on the table.

Bruce shrugged. “Nothing, just some results not working out.” He put his face in his hands and yawned. “I’m getting frustrated, is all.”

Tony nodded, giving him a sympathetic nod before straightening up. “Alright, well, take a break and I’ve got a plan!” he said with a mischievous grin. “You and me, living room all to ourselves tonight, everybody alerted that we’re having a night in so they don’t bother us-“

“I’m not sure I like where this is going,” Bruce teased and Tony rolled his eyes.

“You wound me, Banner,” he said flatly, then shook his head. “No seriously though, me, you, and – this is the best part – “ He held up a finger to hold Bruce’s questions then held his hands out. “Science Sleepover!” He grinned and nodded. “Huh, sounds fun, right buddy?”

Bruce raised an eyebrow disbelievingly. “Science sleepover? Seriously?”

Tony nodded. “Yep! All the way from the blanket fort to end all blanket forts to science TV shows.” He smiled sweetly. “C’mon, you can use the break! It’ll be fun!” He gave Bruce an exaggerated pout. “Please come science with me.”

Bruce rolled his eyes but chuckled. “Alright, fine.”

“Yay!” Tony threw his arms up. “C’mon, fort time!”

~

Bruce took one look at the blanket fort that covered basically the entire floor area between the couches and television and tilted his head. “Is that… some sort of tent frame?” he asked curiously. 

Tony grinned and dropped to his knees beside the chair. “Climb on in and find out,” he said as he held open the ‘door’ (a blanket flap) and gestured. Bruce rolled his eyes but kicked off his shoes and slid to his knees, crawling in ahead of Tony. When he got inside, he was surprised by the area inside.

“Wow, this is kinda big.” He looked up and laughed when he saw that the main support for the tent was none other than Dummy. “You made a blanket fort out of your robot?” he asked as Tony crawled in beside him. Bruce stood on his knees and let Tony past him. “You know, we could probably stand in here.”

Tony nodded. “Probably, but that’s not what you do in a blanket fort!” He kicked at some of the lumpier pillows then flopped down in front of the TV. “We’ve got all we need! Microwave, bags of popcorn, and drinks in the mini-fridge,” he said, earning a shocked laugh from Bruce as Bruce saw there was, indeed, a mini-fridge and microwave.

“You’ve basically accomplished every childhood fantasy of little kids everywhere,” he said and Tony nodded.

“Basically.” He tapped on the control to the TV an waited for Bruce to sit beside him. “Okay so! What do you want to watch first, mi amigo?”

Bruce grinned in spite of himself and took the control. “You’re letting me choose, this is a miracle.” He scrolled down, humming absently. “I didn’t even know we had this many blankets and pillows in the whole tower.”

Tony chuckled. “We didn’t. I ordered them- oh stop!” He grabbed the remote and picked something. “You ever watch this show?” he asked, glancing at Bruce.

Bruce shook his head. “I heard about it in college. A lot of the others in my classes talked about how they would’ve loved that show when they were kids. Science for children was a big deal in the nineties.”

Tony grinned. “Oh dude, we HAVE to watch it!” He clicked and selected the show and brought up a selection for episodes. “I used to get totally wasted and watch Bill Nye the Science Guy instead of going to meetings. It was great.”

Bruce reached out. “The one on Atoms sounds cool-“

“No, let’s watch the one on electricity!” Tony argued, clicking it before Bruce could select ‘Atoms’. “My specialty. I can teach you something,” he teased, winking.

Bruce rolled his eyes. “I’m sure you could,” he grumbled, cheeks slightly pink. “Just play the show.”

Tony leered. “Watch and learn, Sexy,” he joked, pressing play. As they settled down, getting comfortable, Tony bounced his feet along to the music. Bruce was amused by how into the children’s show Tony seemed.

However, when Tony snickered and mumbled, “Hehe ‘rods’,” Bruce was reminded why it was probably so entertaining to his friend. Bruce commented on a few things as they watched, but for the most part, eh let Tony explain things, mumbling a few deeper details than Bill Nye offered on certain things. When it got to the bumper cars part, Tony sat up slightly, eyes wide. “Oh wow, I need bumper cars in this tower like… yesterday,” he said and Bruce laughed with a groan.

“I can see that going over so well with the others-“

“It’s genius!” Tony exclaimed. “JARVIS, put in a zoning order for bumper cars to replace one of the testing floors.”

“As you wish, sir,” JARVIS replied in an exasperated tone, much to Bruce’s amusement.

Bruce smiled at the electric car on the screen. “I remember those! I worked on developing batteries for electric cars for a semester in college.” He grinned. “I also remember leather jackets like that.”

Tony groaned. “I _had_ leather jackets like that,” he said, then smirked. “I looked way hotter in them though.” He glanced at Bruce. “So hey, were you a hot nerd in college?”

Bruce ducked his head. “No,” he grumbled bashfully.

Tony smirked evilly. “I don’t believe you,” he said, then grabbed his Stark Tab. “I’m going to find out-“

“Tony no, don’t,” Bruce whined, reaching over, but Tony rolled away. “TONY!”

“O-ho!” Tony looked up at Bruce from his spot lying on his back with his tablet in the air. “Why Mr. Banner, skin tight, light wash jeans and a big sweatshirt?” He wiggled his eyebrows. “You had a sweet ass, man.”

Bruce groaned. “Please tell me my hair isn’t-“

“Long, shaggy, and curly like a poodle?” Tony asked, smirking. Bruce whined plaintively and let his face fall to the pillow beneath him. Tony glanced down at Bruce’s butt in his baggy pants, then smirked. “Hey can I buy you tight pants again-“

“Don’t make me kill you,” Bruce warned, then rolled his eyes. “Get over here and watch the damn show.” He grabbed Tony’s shirt and dragged him back, ignoring the way Tony smirked at his blush. 

When it go to volts and amps, Tony couldn’t help himself. “Hey baby if I supply the voltage and you a little resistance, imagine the current we can make together.” Tony snickered, only to full on cackle at the next thing said on the show. “Meat and rods all in one experiment? You dirty, dirty man, Bill Nye,” he said and Bruce groaned.

“Ew, Tony-“

“But he said ‘rod’!” Tony giggled. “Hey, would you like to figure out your gravitational torque on my rod?” He wiggled his eyebrows at Bruce. “There’s enough power in my wall socket.”

Bruce groaned. “You’re horrible, Tony!” He pressed his face into the pillows. “Oh God, why am I friend with you?”

He looked back up at the screen just in time for Tony to gasp. “I WANT AN ELECTRIC EEL-“

“No,” Bruce said sternly, pointing at him. “I’ll tell Pepper,” he warned and Tony pouted.

“ _Weak_.” After the episode went off, Bruce snatched the controller. “Hey, what’re you-“

Bruce cut him off. “We watched electricity, now we get to watch Atoms!” He smirked and handed it back. “This is actually kind of awesome.”

Tony beamed. “I know right?!” He wiggled around. “Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill!” he chanted along, earning an amused smile from Bruce. “Hmmm think I’d look good in a bowtie?” he asked and Bruce made a face. “No?”

Bruce shook his head. “Nah, you look good in a good tie.”

Tony smirked. “You look good with your top buttons undone,” he said, winking. He suddenly snickered at the TV. “My wood is matter too,” he said and Bruce groaned again. 

However, when they got to the ‘vibrating, buzzing ball’, even Bruce cracked a grin and leaned over against Tony, giggling. “Okay, okay that was dirty sounding,” Bruce allowed and Tony smiled at him.

“Hey, Bruce?” he asked as Bill built a water molecule with balloons on screen. “What’s your favorite element?” he asked, rubbing at his beard absently. “I think my favorite is definitely titanium. It’s so versatile.”

Bruce grinned. “Titanium? Of course it is, you _engineer_ ,” he teased.

Tony nudged him with his shoulder. “Well, what’s yours?”

Bruce looked at him, his smile softening some. He glanced away, biting his lip. “Actually… it’s vibranium,” he muttered, poking at a seam on the pillow beneath him.

Tony made a face. “Cap’s shield? Really-“

“No, because it keeps you alive,” Bruce admitted softly, eyes going from the glow of the arc reactor and rising to meet Tony’s. Tony’s face went slack and he just stared. Neither man could even hear the TV anymore, they were so rapidly searching for answers in each other’s eyes, unsure of what they might find.

Tony and Bruce didn’t even realize how close they had leaned in, faces only a few inches apart, until, with an alarmed beep, the blanket fort collapsed around them. “Ack- DUMMY!” Tony cried and Bruce took the distraction as a chance to flee the room before Tony had even disentangled himself from the blankets that now lay in a pile on the living room floor.

~

About an hour later, Bruce was busy doodling math problems that had little to do with anything apart from distraction when Tony came in. “So, Dummy’s in time out, he’s a bad robot,” he said, clapping his hands. “What do you say we salvage our science sleepover with some Mythbusters inspired explosions?” he offered. Bruce didn’t even get his mouth open before Tony shook his head. “No, don’t say no, don’t make excuses, let’s go to my lab and blow shit up! It’ll be fun!”

Bruce sighed but smiled. “Alright, but you better have some potassium and water,” he said and Tony beamed.

“Always!”

After a few chemical reactions, Tony decided to teach Bruce how to build a flash bomb. “Seriously, Tony, why would I need explosives?” he asked, though he didn’t deny Tony dragging him over to start the math for the casings. Once they had put in the proper data, all that was left was to decide for the chemicals while the machinery fabricated the casing.

Tony and Bruce were sitting close to start with, so caught up in their discussions that they didn’t even notice the way the lights grew dimmer so slowly it wasn’t noticeable enough to distract them and they simply leaned closer to the page they were writing on. It wasn’t until Bruce looked up from making a note and his cheek brushed Tony’s jaw that he froze. Tony turned and stilled, their lips a hairs breadth apart. Tony got distracted by Bruce’s eyes and couldn’t help himself. “Your eyes have a perfect wavelength of 563.4 nm,” he mumbled and Bruce swallowed visibly.

“But my eyes aren’t green,” he whispered. 

“Yeah but there is no wavelength for brown and-“ Tony groaned, eyes flickering down to Bruce’s lips. “Fuck it.” He closed the gap and kissed Bruce.

The kiss was chaste and tentative, and Tony was surprised to realize exactly how nervous he was. If Bruce shoved him away now, he had no idea what he would do. Thankfully, however, Bruce seemed to finally relax and, after an extremely stressful wait, kissed back. Tony gave a tiny moan as Bruce’s hand cupped his cheek and he curled his own hand around Bruce’s neck. When the kiss broke, Bruce pulled back slightly, cheeks pink.

“You’re more special than relativity,” he replied, and Tony grinned at his choice of pick-up line.

“You’re totally my favorite person ever, no joke,” Tony groaned, pulling Bruce into his arms. “Seriously, how are you real?” he asked, holding Bruce close.

Bruce just hummed, relaxing into Tony’s arms with his cheek resting on Tony’s shoulder. “I should be asking you the same thing.” He opened his eyes, then blinked. “Hey, why’s it so dark in here?” 

Tony pulled back some, resting a hand on Bruce’s hip as he looked around. “JARVIS, what the hell?” he asked in confusion.

After a moment, JARVIS finally replied. “Simply helping to set the mood, sir.”

Tony raised an eyebrow at Bruce, who shrugged. “Oh yeah, and who said to?” Tony asked.

“Well, that insipid little twit of a robot ruined a moment earlier in the lounge. I was simply doing my part to correct my fellow non-human’s mistake, Sir,” JARVIS replied and Bruce laughed.

“Tony made you guys too smart, JARVIS,” he said, then bit his lip, meeting Tony’s eyes. “But thanks,” he said and Tony smiled back, leaning their foreheads together.

“Yeah, thanks J, you meddlesome AI, you,” Tony cooed and Bruce chuckled, meeting him for another kiss.

“Well, someone had to do it,” JARVIS replied, startling laughs out of both humans as they stood together, laughing too hard to do more than hold each other as they gazed into each other’s eyes.


End file.
